Fear.

Fear. Let's talk about it. I can't tell you how many times I have done something out of fear. I have moved, I have run, I have hid myself, and I have allowed for fear to hinder me in a lot of ways. Most of the time, I don't even know that I'm doing it. I think it started at a pretty young age, but not too, too young. I was much more fiery when I was little. But, as I have mentioned before I let a lot of things kind of take power over me. I tend to ask permission from people out of fear, fear of what people might think or say, or out of fear of hurting someone... little did I know... by doing this over and over again, the person I was hurting, was myself. Just a couple of examples to show you how crazy and self-sabotaging this thought process is: Here's what I think when I like someone, I feel the need to ask permission to date him. "Is it okay if I date him? Or no maybe you should date him.... he's a great guy and he would probably like you better..." And when it comes to career...
"Oh you should take that job, I want you to have it...." And the whole time the person I'm saying this to is probably going, "huh? really? okay, great." And then in my head, I'm like wait, what? How did this happen? Pretty crazy thought process, huh? Not to mention controlling... It's like I want to take myself out, before someone else has a chance of hurting me, which is all very fear based.

So, I'll say this, my name is Sarah and the biggest struggle that I have every single day is not being afraid... not being afraid to say what I think, and how I feel, not being afraid of being seen with all of my imperfections (that's a big one), not being afraid to ask for what I need (that's another big one) and another, is just knowing that I deserve good things (that's one of the biggest).  It is has only been through a lot of therapy/yoga, as well as adopting different thought patterns, that I have been able to slowly step out of fear... not asking permission so much, being okay with what is, not being afraid to be seen or share myself, and believing that I deserve to have the life I want. But, it's a work in progress every single day. I have also come to realize that the people who teach are often the people who need it the most, me, being a case in point example. It's just like going to AA meetings or therapy, when I stop practicing yoga (whether it's asana or just breathing) I step back into old patterns of fear, and I want to run and hide all over again.

The things that I can share with all of you, that has helped me is to, number one, forgive yourself for all of your imperfections. We are all human, we all have them, and the best thing we can do is practice courageous vulnerability. Because the only way we can really relate is when we take off our perfection hats, and start showing each other that it's okay not to be perfect. Number two, surrender. Recognize that you, me, bob down the street, none of us have have the answers. The more we spend time worrying and fretting the more time we spend missing the moment of now. Number three, love yourself. Above all, love yourself. Show yourself compassion, because the only time we can truly love and have compassion for others, is when we have love and compassion for ourselves.

"Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."- Rumi

Wishing you many courageous acts today, whether it's being vulnerable or going after what you want...