Allowing

Hi all! Long time, no talk and I apologize! Last Saturday I went to sleep thinking about Seane Corn. Do you all know who she is? My mom and I took her yoga class in Colorado at Wanderlust and it was one of the best classes we had ever taken. We both felt like in some way she was talking to us, individually, even though there were over 300 people in the room. That was awhile ago, and I had still been thinking about it and carrying it with me. Well I woke up on Sunday and googled her schedule, and I saw that she was going to be in Dallas for the week doing a training. I called Uptown Yoga, which is where it was held, asked if they had spots, and when they said they did, I threw my mom's yoga mat in the car and headed that way. I really had no idea what to expect for the week, but I can say this now, it was more incredible than anything I ever expected. From a soul to another soul, I feel like something shifted last week. Perhaps there was some last little bit of fear that I had been holding on to-- I'm not sure. But each day that went by, I began to feel like I was processing through something in that room that kept me trapped in a limited belief. I would even catch myself wanting to prove something on my mat, and then it hit me, I've spent a lot of my life asking for approval. I've mentioned in some other blog posts, that I tend to ask for permission, but now I also realize that I have had thoughts in my head, telling me that I needed to prove myself before I could do anything. Lemme' tell you, that belief has kept me hooked in; hooked in to some pain in my past. As soon as I realized this, I began grieving. Grieving for every moment that I didn't stick up for myself, or have the courage to say what I wanted, for all the moments I was too afraid... and especially for the moments that I let things go because I felt like I didn't deserve it, wasn't worthy...

So, as you can imagine. I was falling apart. Falling apart in front of Seane Corn. Seane Corn and 80 other people. I couldn't stop it. We hadn't even gotten to the "emotional day" yet. We were just focusing on alignment. One of the guys who was helping to assist came up to me in a pose, moved my ribs, opened my chest and he said, "you're resisting to this, submit to the pose." Right there I was broken open and full out started sobbing. And not little sobs. My friend Ellen was next to me and she said when the practice was finished I had snot and tissues all over my face. Lookin' good, I'm sure.

After the day was over I was in every way, exhausted. Thank goodness for some really wonderful friends to come home to who fed me and took me to get frozen yogurt. :)

Sometimes, we hold on so much in life that we don't even notice it. Sometimes, we have to allow ourselves to grieve, to let go, and cry and I mean really cry. As humans it's almost like we're programmed to think we need to earn our worth and we carry with us pain, shame and guilt that is often passed down to us through our parents and families without even knowing it and then we have experiences on top of those that we take into our systems. Our bodies are like a blue print of what we've experienced. Our traumas are held within the tension of our muscles, and it's only in releasing that tension, that we can let go, experience it, grieve it and release it.

The next day we did chakra work, which is an entirely new blog post. It was also incredible! Less crying, but man did my whole body seem to shake. The last day we dedicated our practice to prayer. This class really sealed everything in for me. I thought about all the experiences I've had- from relationships to journeys on my own. I left the class with gratitude, gratitude for every experience, because they've all taught me something crucial for my own growth. The universe is always sending us chances to heal ourselves. If we don't get it the first time, we are sent it again and the point is not to judge it, but to use it for our own wisdom. Seane kept asking us what we're going to do with our experiences. How can we use our own journey to help heal? For me, I feel like yoga has been presented for that very reason. I feel in some way, it chose me. I think a lot of people who want to teach this practice feel very much the same way. I walked out the door, got into my car and drove back to Arkansas feeling like I had left something there and gained a new perspective, one of gratitude and acceptance.

I think that's all we're really here to do after all... use our experiences for the greater good of other people. Passing on that which came as a seed...

I am forever grateful for last week. For the people I met, the advice, the kind words and most of all the loving support and space to let go!

I just wanted to share that with all of you. I hope you guys have a blessed week, and it's back to regular posts!

image via pinterest

P.S. I am forever grateful to Chrispy for giving awesome assists all week and life lessons he probably didn't realize he was giving.