Most Importantly:

Believe in yourself. I think that anytime we are making big decisions, and we're scared, all of our neurosis come to head (at least, for me). I find that as long as I'm not really having to put myself out there or put any skin in the game, then I am a fairly calm, level-headed person, but man, as soon as I am fearful and start feeling like I might get hurt, fail or that something might not "work out," I turn into the worst version of myself, which I feel I have been lately. However, as my family/ friends, have endured my tears and fears, not to mention complete freak outs, I read something yesterday that made me feel a little bit better.
Pema Chodron often writes about maitri, which means loving kindness. In one of her books she says,

"Loving-kindness- maitri - toward ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy... We can still be angry or jealous, or timid, or have feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change ourselves. This practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we already are. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That's the ground, that's what we study, that's what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest"... she says, "Being with what we already have is a magical golden key to being alive in a full, unrestricted, and inspired way. One of the major obstacles to what is traditionally called enlightenment is resentment, feeling cheated, holding a grudge about who you are, where you are, what you are. This is why we talk so much about making friends with ourselves. This is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are, and of realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we already have. Our wisdom is all mixed up with what we call our neurosis. Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, and therefore it doesn't do any good to try to get rid of our basic wonderfulness. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we're doing rather than trying to change or get rid of who we are or what we're doing. The key is to wake up, to become more, alert, more inquisitive and curious about ourselves. We're talking about loving-kindness again, in a slightly different way. The ground of loving-kindness is this sense of satisfaction with who we are and what we have. The path is a sense of wonder, becoming two- or three-year-old child again, wanting to know all the unknowable things, beginning to question everything. We know we're never really going to find the answers, because these kinds of questions come from having a hunger and passion for life -- they have nothing to do with solving anything or tying it all up into a neat little package. This kind of questioning is the journey itself..."

I just wanted to share this, because it made me realize that if I wished to really change anything about myself-- including my current neurosis, then I would be taking away a big part of the wonderfulness. Or at least I am going to agree with Pema, and call it that. Our fears, our doubts, our neurosis are what make us human, and they help us to relate to each other. Pema says that making friends with who we are isn't selfish, it's in fact becoming friends with humanity, because that's what being human means-- that we're not perfect. That we all have the certain parts of ourselves that we wish to cover up. But it's in the loving-kindness, the compassion for who we are that we can have loving-kindness towards others.

I wish you all a very wonderful day. And remember, when the "craziness" starts to come out, it is just part of what makes you, you. At least that is what I am going to be telling myself. :) Happy Thursday to you all!

Lots of loving-kindness...

P.S. I love all of Pema Chodron's books. This one is The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness

image via Kat Hardin and pinterest

Bundled Up

Brr, it is cold outside. Or perhaps living in Houston for the past two years, where 70 degrees is chilly and 65 is freezing, has made me a wimp when it comes to cooler weather. Needless to say, I am wishing all of my sweaters weren't in Colorado and feel like I might need to move them from there as soon as possible, because in Arkansas, well, I'm thinking I might need them. It has been very hard for me to believe that I am actually moving out of Houston. It feels weird to say it, and I am sure tears will be shed when I start really packing up my apartment. This has been an extremely hard decision for me, whether to stay or go, be here or there, and it seems that no one has been able to give me an answer for what I should or shouldn't do, so I kinda just made some decisions and now I am going to hope for the best. The thing I will miss most about Houston, is my yoga studio. But, I have found a place to lease up in Fayetteville, and am planning on making that a very humble, little yoga studio for anyone and everyone who wants to do some yoga. However, I am scared. Really scared. My studio in Houston, became my home and I very much feel like it will always be my second home. I am a teacher there, and definitely feel a sense of connection to myself and to others there that I have never experienced before. It's a place that in a lot of ways did a lot of healing for me or perhaps, I did a lot of healing there. Arkansas, has always been a place where I've been a kid. No one knows me here really as a writer or a yoga teacher, it's kinda like I'm starting all over again, as I have many times, but this time, this time, I will actually miss a place that I am leaving, very much. I have moved many times. I went to college in Colorado, and moved from there to New York, New York to Dallas, Dallas to Houston. Houston, somehow, very unexpectedly, carved its way into my heart. Yes, it's hot. Yes, the traffic isn't great. Yes, it's a big city. But, I think any place where you grow, heal and come into yourself, that place will always hold a special spot within. I think maybe, we all have them. My reasons for moving though stacked up... proximity to family, cost of living, wanting to move out of an apartment (because I've lived in one for the past 7 years)... and I don't know, I think a part of me wants a challenge. I took a long break after living in New York. I haven't really been committed or connected to anything, except, yoga in Houston. But, I've found myself wanting to place some roots, somewhere! Perhaps, a yoga studio is enough to stay for, but it seems that certain things in my life have unfolded leading me to a house and yoga space in Arkansas. Who knows, if I will stay in Arkansas forever. I have no idea, but I think if I didn't try it, I would always wonder about it. All I can do is bundle up and go for it.

I hope all of you have a very happy Tuesday!

I'll let you know if I freak out and change my mind. :)

images via candice lake, classy girls wear pearls, velvet and bones

Big Week

Especially this morning! I hope all of you had a great weekend. Mine was pretty wonderful. I went to a wedding on Saturday, and it was absolutely beautiful, although it was supposed to be outside, and last minute they had to rearrange everything, because of the sleet/rain. Even with the weather not cooperating, it was one of the best weddings I've ever been to, just because I got to witness two people, who absolutely were ecstatic to be marrying each other and nothing could ruin it. You could feel the warmth and love radiating off of them! And the decor was also so pretty... the perfect rustic wedding with white tablecloths, burlap, fresh flowers from the farmer's market... it was all very romantic and sweet. I wish I would have taken pictures, but I was too busy taking it all in. I hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful Monday. I am a closing on a house this week! Yay (Finally, I feel very excited and I think I might be over my freak outs about the commitment/decision/money/everything :)! Pictures to come...

I know I keep saying that, but really!

Come dance with me

Happy Friday my dears! I hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful weekend. I am loving this song right now from Edward Sharpe And the Magnetic Zeros, so I just thought I would share. I think it's a good song to kick off the weekend. I taught a yoga class this morning for the first time in about a week. It was so nice to get back to teaching, after traveling and being sick... it's definitely nice to get back to what I love. I read from Brené Brown's book, Daring Greatly at the end of the class. She says, "When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our back on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make. Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be-- a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation-- with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgement and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly."

If you haven't yet heard of Brené Brown (I feel like I keep talking and talking about her), you should definitely check her out! I am reading her book now, and it is wonderful!

Happy weekend, all!!

image via pinterest

Fear.

Fear. Let's talk about it. I can't tell you how many times I have done something out of fear. I have moved, I have run, I have hid myself, and I have allowed for fear to hinder me in a lot of ways. Most of the time, I don't even know that I'm doing it. I think it started at a pretty young age, but not too, too young. I was much more fiery when I was little. But, as I have mentioned before I let a lot of things kind of take power over me. I tend to ask permission from people out of fear, fear of what people might think or say, or out of fear of hurting someone... little did I know... by doing this over and over again, the person I was hurting, was myself. Just a couple of examples to show you how crazy and self-sabotaging this thought process is: Here's what I think when I like someone, I feel the need to ask permission to date him. "Is it okay if I date him? Or no maybe you should date him.... he's a great guy and he would probably like you better..." And when it comes to career...
"Oh you should take that job, I want you to have it...." And the whole time the person I'm saying this to is probably going, "huh? really? okay, great." And then in my head, I'm like wait, what? How did this happen? Pretty crazy thought process, huh? Not to mention controlling... It's like I want to take myself out, before someone else has a chance of hurting me, which is all very fear based.

So, I'll say this, my name is Sarah and the biggest struggle that I have every single day is not being afraid... not being afraid to say what I think, and how I feel, not being afraid of being seen with all of my imperfections (that's a big one), not being afraid to ask for what I need (that's another big one) and another, is just knowing that I deserve good things (that's one of the biggest).  It is has only been through a lot of therapy/yoga, as well as adopting different thought patterns, that I have been able to slowly step out of fear... not asking permission so much, being okay with what is, not being afraid to be seen or share myself, and believing that I deserve to have the life I want. But, it's a work in progress every single day. I have also come to realize that the people who teach are often the people who need it the most, me, being a case in point example. It's just like going to AA meetings or therapy, when I stop practicing yoga (whether it's asana or just breathing) I step back into old patterns of fear, and I want to run and hide all over again.

The things that I can share with all of you, that has helped me is to, number one, forgive yourself for all of your imperfections. We are all human, we all have them, and the best thing we can do is practice courageous vulnerability. Because the only way we can really relate is when we take off our perfection hats, and start showing each other that it's okay not to be perfect. Number two, surrender. Recognize that you, me, bob down the street, none of us have have the answers. The more we spend time worrying and fretting the more time we spend missing the moment of now. Number three, love yourself. Above all, love yourself. Show yourself compassion, because the only time we can truly love and have compassion for others, is when we have love and compassion for ourselves.

"Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move."- Rumi

Wishing you many courageous acts today, whether it's being vulnerable or going after what you want... 

Currently Loving:

Stripes going into fall, with everything she's wearing from the leather jacket to the leopard flats.

 

I want this kitchen and am actually going for a very similar look in my house... which will be shown to you all soon! It has dark granite tile, bead board... you get the picture... updates on that soon!

I am wearing a navy dress this weekend, and I might try some navy nails to go along with it. However, if I don't wear it this weekend for fear of going navy over board, I will surely be bringing out the dark blue hues soon! I especially love Essie's midnight cami and bobbing for baubles. Midnight cami is the one she is wearing in this picture for A Cup of Jo.

Anywho, just wanted to stop in for a mid-afternoon break. More posts on houses, interior designs, yoga and everything else to come in the not too distant future. But, for the moment, I hope the day is going great!

images via remain simple tumblr, pink wallpaper and a cup of jo

A Crisp Fall Day

The air feels a little crisper today, and I am loving it. :) My sniffles have started to subside and I am feeling so much better than I was yesterday or the day before. On the up and up! Woohooo. The amazing thing when you're not feeling like yourself, whether it's an injury, or a cold, whatever it is, it reminds you to always appreciate health. There is a certain balance that our bodies have when it's healthy, and it's amazing how it feels when it's a little knocked off. The thing is our bodies are constantly working to heal itself. Amazing! Send your body some love and kindness today, and do something good for it! It's always working hard, and deserves to be nourished.

Happy Wednesday, all!

images via pinterest