I was reading an Instagram post the other day and I really wish I could remember which one it was because I would link it here if I could. It depicted a mother nursing. The mother described herself as exhausted, disheveled and certainly not beautiful. An older woman saw her, approached her and told her that moms during this stage are the most beautiful. The nursing mom was quizzical. The older woman said, you are the most beautiful you've ever been because this is pure love. I feel like I am butchering this right now because it was deeper and more thoughtful than what I am describing now, but it really made me stop and think about how society portrays moms. If you lose all your "baby weight" quickly and seemingly look like you have it together than that is something to be proud of, but if you don't well then, you better get it together. This thinking is so exhausting and it is absolute bullshit. For the most part, the weight fell off fairly quickly for me, but that didn't mean I was nourishing myself. I also tried to get dressed and get back to "myself" the day we got home from the hospital. I tried to keep up with all the housework and make smoothies for Noah in the morning before he left for work; but, I just ended up really exhausted and really resentful because nothing that I was doing felt in alignment with what was happening inside of me. Inside of me, I didn't feel the same. I knew that I wasn't the same, but for the first few weeks of Ethan's life, I was running on adrenaline and determined to not let motherhood change me. Looking back, I did this subconsciously and around the time he turned a month old I hit a wall and I've kept hitting this wall over and over again because I have failed to acknowledge that motherhood changes you. It just does and there is no way around it to my knowledge. Motherhood is the purest form of love. There is nothing that our children could do that would make us as parents stop loving them. That is the closest thing to God's love I think we will ever feel here on earth. It's intense, raw, emotional, scary and vulnerable to love something so much because there is a lot that we can't control. We spend our time as parents pouring into our kids hoping to give them and help them have a full life. Our bodies, in my opinion are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the changes. I mean being put in charge of someone's wellbeing who you love so much you would give your life for, I think that's the big one. But it's easier...
It's easier to talk about appearances.
It's much more challenging to talk about the pure love and the sacrifices, fear, joy, excitement, hope, pain and love that come with it. I think that's what makes it so hard and so beautiful all at the same time.

So mamas just remember, no matter how it looks, the pure love you're giving your kids every day is beautiful no matter how you look or how it looks.

I think a prayer for myself is to remember that every single day, because now as I sit here scarfing down oatmeal before picking up Ethan from his nap,