This week kicks off fashion week in NYC and every year I watch awesome people, bloggers, editors and designers flock to New York, to take the week on by storm, at a distance. I used to intern in New York every summer. Thinking that fashion or beauty editorial was the route I wanted to go. I tried so badly to make it happen. I wanted to "will" myself into falling in love with New York although it never felt right. When I moved there a year after I graduated college, I ran around feeling exhausted. I didn't have myself, although I kept trying and trying to give myself. This sort of thing can happen when we are depleted. The theme for yoga this month is generosity of spirit and as I've been thinking about that in relation to my life. Through a lot of years of learning how to honor myself, after quitting my internship at Lucky and heading to the Himalayas on a five and a half week backpacking trip, sometimes I look back and think did I just give up and throw in the towel? I think the answer to that is yes and no. Someone once told me that you have to "be" before you can "do." I didn't have the "be" part down so I certainly couldn't "do." Life has since led me on a journey back to myself. Every step I have taken, every move I have made, every city I have lived in has all led me to my mat. No longer did I focus on having the "perfect" outfit or feeling like I needed to accomplish something great or do something spectacular to justify my life. I just started to flow, and I focused solely on healing wounds held deep within me... wounds that told me I wasn't good enough for New York, I wasn't good enough to get what I wanted...
As I've mentioned before, the biggest hurdle I had in my yoga teaching training was feeling worthy enough to share this practice that I love so much.
So, I left New York, not knowing if I made the right decision. Sometimes, I still wonder what my life would be like if I would have stayed, but my heart pulled me in a different way and I needed to go get myself, and have myself, so I could then, give myself. However, I still love fashion, that part of me will never change, but for now, I enjoy it from afar, through friends like Tulip Louise!
Are there any decisions you've made that you wonder what would have happened if you had gone the other way? I think that in life, you just have to follow your heart and trust that in some way, something bigger than you've ever dreamed, will show up. I never thought I would love teaching yoga as much as I do. I never thought that I would want to share it as much as I do! But now, looking back, it makes sense. Maybe someday I will be able to do both, combine, both... which is kind of what this blog is for. :)
I hope you all have a really lovely Wednesday!