Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A mountain of gratitude...

Lately, I have been forgetting something... that my life, with or without a plan, is enough and I feel a mountain of gratitude for just being here at this moment. It was 11 years ago, that 9/11 became a day that will be in our hearts forever. I remember so vividly sitting at my desk in history class. We just happened to watch the news every morning in class, and when we turned it on and saw the planes going into the World Trade Towers, we didn't think it was real. However, it was very real. Every single time I step into New York, there is a sense of a deep scar over the city. Every cab ride to Battery Park is a reminder of what happened that day, the lives of loved ones lost, as well as an awareness of the fear in the world, that led to such destruction. Last night, I had the sense that lately, I have been consumed with all the things I feel like I haven't accomplished, all the things I feel like I "should" be at this point in my life, all of these thoughts, these self-destructive thoughts, are so self-centered that I feel a little embarrassed about them. I haven't stopped to truly be thankful for all the people in my life who I have learned from, loved, shared things with... and experienced life with... as well as all the places, such as New York, that have somehow shaped who I am. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to live in such a city, that has endured so much. The sheer strength of the place is amazing. It is a city that cannot be tamed, it marches to it's own beat and although I wanted to change it into something steady, something I could grasp, I realize now, that instead of trying to change it, I should have been more grateful to it in the moment. Sometimes instead of changing our circumstances, thoughts, or even trying to change ourselves into what we think we should be or do, we just need to stop and grateful for who we are and what life has brought us here and now. Because with all of our flaws, all of our scars, all of our joys, all of our hopes and dreams, they make us who we are and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. Today, I am so very thankful for our troops, the people who have fought for freedom in this country, to live in this country and for all the states and cities, especially New York, New York. 

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