Be in the Adventure.

It is already November and as the days seem to pass so quickly, I find myself searching out time, whether it be 5 minutes or 5 hours, to enjoy the fall. I flew to San Francisco over the past weekend to spend time with one of my best friends from college and to see one of my yoga teachers. It was a wonderful weekend, but an eye-opening one as well. When everyone gets busy in life, it gets more difficult to carve time for everything you want to do, but at different points life creates certain opportunities for us to slow down. When we get the chance to take time out and to reconnect, I think it is such a wonderful thing-- almost a magical one really, but it can also make you realize the passage of time. It can show us how things change, people change and perhaps you change. I hope that in some way as we get older we all become a little bit more of who we've always been. As we grow up and stop trying to please everyone, or be someone who we think we "should" be, I hope we come closer to ourselves. On Sunday, the last day of the workshop I had been in, my teacher started talking about something that both my mom and I had the same conversation about prior to the workshop. He said that our shakti, agni... that fire part of us, that soul part of us is always waiting for us, and my mom had said the very same thing to me just a few days before. They both were saying how we don't go looking for our soul, but that our soul is actually waiting for us, waiting for us to wake up to it, to listen to it, to realize it, feel it and follow it. I thought that was such an incredible thing to say and a wonderful way to view it. It's not about looking for something, it's about waking up to what already exists. It's waking up to everything we are, to who we are and to who we've always been and are meant to become. I feel so thankful to the practice of yoga, to all of my teachers, my incredible parents and brother, because they have always in some way been the ones who silently and gently shook my soul. As I sit here writing this, I can't help but feel very grateful to all the people, places and practices who in some way helped to wake me back up to myself. I am so thankful for my friend who lives in SF, for all the times she was there for me, especially in college and even though we don't see each other very much now and are very far away, I am so blessed for the times we have spent together. It is funny how life unfolds.... and as one of my teachers always says to me, be in the adventure, stay in it and let it take you where it may. I think the adventure is all about following our soul. We have no idea where it will take us, but if we have the courage to have faith and follow it, I believe it will lead us on the trip of a lifetime and you don't have to worry about losing yourself, because you already have everything you need. 

So go. Adventure. Ask for you what you want and don't go back to sleep. :)

Pumpkin Energy Bites

I found this recipe from Gimme' Some Oven the other day and I can't wait to make them today for class tonight! Here is the recipe if you would like to make them too!

Gimme' Some Oven:: No Bake Pumpkin Energy Bites

Ingredients

• 8 oz. (about 1 packed cup) chopped dates
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup pumpkin puree
• 1 Tbsp. chia seeds or flax seeds
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
• pinch of salt
• 1 cup old-fashioned oats (dry, not cooked)
• 1 cup toasted coconut flakes
• 1 cup toasted pepitas (pumpkin seeds)

Method

Combine the dates, honey, pumpkin puree, chia (or flax) seeds, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and salt in a food processor, and pulse until smooth and combined.

Transfer the mixture to a large bowl, and stir in the oats, coconut flakes and pepitas until evenly combined. Cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

Once the mixture is cool (and easier to work with), use a spoon or cookie scoop to shape it into your desired size of energy balls. (Mine were about 1-inch in diameter.) Alternately, you can line a small baking pan with parchment paper, and press the mixture evenly into the pan, let it cool, and then cut into bars.

Store covered in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks. (Storing them in the refrigerator especially helps the energy bites hold their shape.)

(c) 2013 Gimme Some Oven. All rights reserved.

Ali’s Tip: If you feel like adding a little extra sweetness, these would also be great with some cinnamon or white chocolate chips tossed in.

A note.

It's funny how a simple note can make our whole day. This morning I woke up to one from Natalia in Moscow, a dedicated reader of this blog, and I felt so thankful for her kind words. Writing this blog, has always been one of my favorite things to get up and do... It serves now as almost a diary or journal noting the past 3 to 4 years of my life. I started writing this as a way to reach out, to share and to be a little more courageous when it comes to honesty with myself and others. Like yoga, it serves almost as check-in because I can only really write what I feel.

I just wanted to say thank you to Natalia for the sweet note, my friend Ransom for sending me a book last week, and all the other people in my life who constantly encourage me every single day to keep going...

Around this time last year, here are a few things I was writing about:

-Most Importantly
-Fear
-Courage

:) Wishing you all a lovely October day!

An adventure back to myself...

Hi there, I am happy to be sitting here writing. We are at the end of August, approaching the beginning of September and I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. This month has flown by and where to begin, I'm not even sure. My teacher, Maria flew into town from Yoga Ananda in Houston. It was wonderful to have her here in Arkansas and to show her Maitri, since Maitri would not exist without her and YA.

It is crazy how things can change so much within one year. At this time last year, I was still living in Houston, and trying to figure out whether to move to Fayetteville or not. Having Maria in town, was almost like showing her everything she has given me. Yoga truly gave me back my life in a way I could have never imagined the first time I stepped onto a yoga mat.

I think in some ways I have always been afraid to be seen, always been afraid to show up for myself and therefore couldn't really show up for anyone else. When I was 19 something happened, something shifted. I stopped trusting and I checked out. Although I was still walking around functioning, that's about all I was doing. I made decisions that were easy, I made decisions playing it safe so I would never really have to show up or get hurt. It took me a long time to take the disconnected parts of myself and mend them together. I've had many tears fall in yoga, along with lots of sweat and with the out and out resistance faced every single day on the mat, all of this led to slowly shedding the layers of armor I had built around myself. My yoga mat turned me inward so much so, that I little by little started grieving. Grieving for the past, all the times I had never stuck up for myself or fought for myself, grieving for the fear I've felt of vulnerability and slowly realizing how I've seemed to keep everyone at an arm's length distance. Maria, without even knowing it helped me to face all of these things on the mat and what came from it was forgiveness. Realizing that I couldn't have done any better than I did at the time. That forgiveness in many ways led to love, a self-love, which turned into courage and what came from that was Maitri. I mentioned this in a recent post, but at Maitri I am being "seen" every single day I teach. I've put my heart and soul into Maitri and everyone who walks through that door has a window into my humanness that I struggle with every single day. When I taught a class for Maria while she was here, I realized something. I didn't want to fail in front of her... and what did I do? I taught the worst class I've ever taught in my life, or at least, what I thought was the worst class. I cried after that class. I cried and I cried and I wanted to give up. But then I realized something that I hadn't thought about since opening Maitri, I would rather fail a thousand times over than never teach another yoga class. That day, I forgave myself again for being imperfect and I realized that there are so many gifts in our perceived failures. If I hadn't taught a shitty class, then I would have missed the gift, the gift of letting go of the approval from anyone. Maria, my mom, my dad, my brother, my friends, anyone...
Even though I have fear, even though I still have self-doubt and sometimes am very hard on myself, I am reminded to forgive myself, let go and to keep going, and that is what I will remind every person who walks through Maitri every single day. So, as we start to close out the end of August, I am thankful; thankful for each and every new beginning and the fear that reminds us to have the courage to live anyway. :) ::namaste::

Currently :: Loving

Hi friends! Hope you all are well. Life has been busy but good. The studio is going through lots of transitions as we work a new schedule into the mix, as well as new teachers. I am so grateful for all the growth, but it has also added a whole new level to owning a business. My teacher from Houston, Maria, from Yoga Ananda is coming on Sunday and staying for the week to help me out. I am so excited to see her and beyond grateful she is taking the time to come visit. It doesn't quite settle in sometimes that in fact live here in Arkansas and own a yoga studio. Sometimes I look back and think what happened? How did I get here? There are some remnants of what I sometimes feel was my "old life." Which felt much more glamorous than the one I'm living now. However, I am learning to trust where I am and trust the people who have come into my life. It's weird when you start realizing how much things have changed and I am constantly reminded of it living here. I think in so many ways I came back to deal with some things that I didn't deal with before. It's like I've come back to get that part of me that I left behind, hoping in some way to accept all the parts of my life. I have to work on it every single day. It is my yoga just to breathe into the present and let go of everything else. Easier said than done at times. However, I am thankful for the moment and am so blessed to teach this practice. Every single time I get up to teach, everything feels right and in that moment I am reminded that perhaps my life doesn't look like I thought it would, in so many ways it feels like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I really hope you all have a wonderful day. PS I am definitely hoping to start writing more and more, writing until anything that might be blocking me is gone!

I posted these three pictures because I absolutely love the fireplace in the first one and really want to add one in my house! I also love what Anne Rice says about writing and am currently looking for a pair of cute boots like the ones above. :)

That's all for today! Enjoy!

images via pinterest  

For the girls...

Dear Amazing Girl...

I read this a while back and it resonated so much within me that I came to tears just reading it and I thought I would share. Lately, I have felt somewhat off track, off balance, unsure and in the midst of everything... trying to make big decisions, run a business, be there not only for myself, but for every other person I come into contact with on a daily basis. I find myself sitting here writing and feeling tired. I haven't been able to sit down and write in a long time. Part of me says there's only so much I can say in one day and most of it is said in my classes, another part of me thinks that in some way, I should have it together by now, and by it meaning my life. The past week I have spent trying to decide on class times to add at Maitri, which wedding I should go to in August since two very important ones happen to be on the same day, while at the same time trying to merge two important parts of my life, a past and a future, and maintaing my sense of self. However, I am reminded on a daily basis that this moment, this moment right here, right now is the only one we're sure about, so when everything gets overwhelming, it is a simple reminder to just breathe and be.

When I started on this path, a different one than I could have ever imagined or dreamed of, I didn't realize that at the beginning of it, I had to make a decision and that decision was the hardest one I've ever made to date and that was to let go of any life I had planned out for me. The boy, the college, the career, all of it. I flushed it and I left. I left because in the midst of the plan, I lost myself. I didn't realize it of course until years later when things started making sense again, but I essentially had to go out and get myself and it wasn't until I had myself that I could ever return home here to Arkansas. A lot of you who know me or might read the blog, know that it has been the hardest transition I've ever made. What's coming up for me now is the fact that I am "seen" just about every single day, and lately I have been struggling through some things. Every day I get up to teach I've thought to myself, can they see it? When I teach I often take whatever comes up that day and in some way share it with every one in the room. But what happens when I might be experiencing the feeling of anger? I think, "shit," I'm a yoga teacher, zen, zen, zen, but then I turn that into fake, fake, fake, so my only option is to show up and be forced to be authentic. Some how that is the only way I know how to teach. You may think that this isn't a big deal, but for a perfectionist, it is. My saving grace is that as soon as I walk into Maitri there is always a huge wave of relief that comes over me because I know I'm safe. What I'm realizing now or learning now is how to be vulnerable yet safe. I used to think that if people truly saw me, my fears, my wounds, my scars, my doubts, my insecurities, that I may not ever be loved. What is crazy to me is that somehow this fear even gets instilled into us. At what point do we forget that we are human? At what point do we forget to forgive ourselves? At what point did we ever think it's not okay to feel and express how we feel? I think somewhere along the way for the longest time, I forgot how to ask for what I need. I am slowly, and I mean very slowly learning how to now. I always have attached asking for what I need to hurting someone, or letting someone down... how I do not know. Perhaps it was easier to be quiet and it became so much easier that I lost my voice. It's taken me a long time to get it back. Lots of therapy and yoga, but every day I try to honor myself a little more. I think as girls we have to stick together. To remind each other to take care of our own hearts, minds, bodies and souls. I was sitting around talking to two of my friends after class today, although we have all had very different experiences, the way that we've felt at one time or another has been the same. One thing that yoga gave to me that has been invaluable is my own self. It has given me courage and still does give me courage every single day to keep going... to keep making the decision each and every day to choose myself. So, my dear amazing girl, I will encourage you to do the same.

The path, the road, the trail, the journey isn't easy. I'm not sure if it ever really will be, but each day I hope we encourage each other to be there for each other, supporting and learning that it's okay to lean on someone, to trust that there are some people in your life who come in and who are in your corner, and the ones who aren't, it's okay to let them go. After all we make the choice and it's a choice every single day. Choose yourself. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Embrace who you are, where you came from, what you've been through and recognize that you are amazing. :)

love and light friends.
::namaste::

Happy

Have you all seen it?? I watched this documentary last Sunday and it is excellent. It takes you through different places, showing you how people live and what makes people truly happy. Scientifically only 10% of happiness comes from material wealth... so where does the other 90% come from? Watch!

It is so good and makes you reevaluate priorities just a little. :)

Happy day, all!